Cupid’s Arrows – Freya North

Today is the very last Cupid’s Arrows and it’s Freya North who’s got the last whisper in Cupid’s ear:

“Cupid?  Hullo?  You there?  You’ve been ignoring me for years – perhaps you never took me seriously, certainly my friends continue to ridicule me.  However, I will once again tell you my target for those fiery little darts of yours.  I don’t mean to call your archery skills into question – but this time it might be prudent to add ‘frilly shirts’ and ‘mauve crushed velvet suit’ and ‘dark, luscious flicky flicky hair’ to your arrow’s satnav. 

            Take aim.  And fire.

            Straight into the heart of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen for me, please.  Or, as I like to call him, LLB.  Or, sometimes, Lolls.  Or if I’m feeling particularly saucy, Lord Long Lacy Sleeves. 

            Oh the leonine toss of his head!  His dreamy voice – so hypnotically droll and articulate in prose the most fabulous shade of purple!  Think of the merry mischief he could make with all that frothy lace and me being so ticklish and all!

            If he could find his way to mine, I’d give him all the time he needs to wax on about rococo arabesques and dead-flat-matt.  He’d never lose his distemper with me. I’d hang on his every word because the thought of those polysyllabic adjectives on his tongue-tip at the height of passion has me more of a quiver than that place you keep your arrows.

            And Cupid, if you assess my request you’ll see the true value of it.  LLB is two-for-the-price-of-one.  It’s not just me personally who’d benefit from some LLB TLC.  When he’s finished ravishing me, he’ll look around.  And he’ll say: “Darling! I have a roll of fabulous statement wallpaper and I’m going to turn your bedroom in a boudoir.”  And then he’ll say:  “And afterwards, we can hole up in it for the whole of July.”

Thank you.

Freya xx

            PS: when I’m finished with LLB and if you have a spare arrow, I’ll have Taylor Kitsch please.  I don’t mean to be fussy – but I must specify only in Tim Riggins guise from Friday Night Lights.  He has long hair too – but more bad-boy scruffy than LLB bouffe.   A surly, monosyllabic young buck would be a great contrast.  And variety in life would provide plenty of spice for me.”

Thanks, Freya! LLB can fluff my throw cushions anytime.

All Freya’s books are available here. Catch Freya on Twitter at @Freya_North or on her her website

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